We strive to bring light to a commonly overlooked issue: teen dating violence. "Shades of Gray" refers to abusive behavior in relationships that are not always viewed by society as unhealthy. Subtle tactics and manipulative behavior to gain control over one's partner play a major role in modern day teen dating relationships. Our mission is to educate and advocate for victim rights.

 

Sexual assault: an unseen war going on within the United States military

uwpave:

Currently, there are over 1.5 million people in the U.S. Military who are on active duty.  It is their job to fight for our country to keep us safe from harm.  However, it is now time that we step up for the safety of our armed forces.

Sexual assault is a growing problem in the military with no end in sight.  In a 622-page report published by the Department of Defense, a staggering 3,158 total instances of sexual assault were reported—but that is just the beginning.  The DoD believes that number only makes up 13.5 percent of the actual number of sexual assaults in the military in 2010.  A better, more accurate estimate would be closer to 19,000 sexual assaults. To put that number in perspective, that is about half of the UW-Madison student body and a little more than the population of Middleton.

With April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month, this issue has been brought under especially bright lights during the last couple of weeks, but it should be an issue we think about and address all year long.  Civilians looking out for the safety of our military personnel cannot be reserved for one month of the year.

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domesticviolence:

Mark your calendars: Victim Impact Panel, Thursday 4/26/12 at 12:00, Historic Courthouse in Canton, Georgia
In accordance with National Crime Victims’ Rights Week, a Victim Impact Panel will be held on 4/26/11, during which crime survivors will share powerful life “stories.”  The event will be held as a lunch and learn, featuring those impacted by crimes including impaired driving, sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking.

domesticviolence:

Mark your calendars: Victim Impact Panel, Thursday 4/26/12 at 12:00, Historic Courthouse in Canton, Georgia

In accordance with National Crime Victims’ Rights Week, a Victim Impact Panel will be held on 4/26/11, during which crime survivors will share powerful life “stories.”  The event will be held as a lunch and learn, featuring those impacted by crimes including impaired driving, sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking.

-He said he was sorry, so it won’t happen again.

-It’s ok, he can’t control himself when he’s horny.

-He loves me, there’s no way that was rape.

-I should have been more clear with my boundaries.

One post from “the excuses you made for them,” a supportive awareness thread with the aim of putting excuses and rationalizations out in the light where you and others can see them and recognize there is NEVER any excuse for abuse, at Scarleteen’s message boards. (via hellyeahscarleteen)

A PEEEK INTO OUR PLAYLIST: DATING VIOLENCE

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it’s a steel knife in my windpipe
I can’t breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it’s like I’m in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It’s like I’m huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I’m about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
"I’m leaving you"
No you ain’t. Come back we’re running right back.
Here we go again
It’s so insane cause when it’s going good, it’s going great
I’m Superman with the wind at his back, she’s Lois Lane
But when it’s bad it’s awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who’s that dude? I don’t even know his name
I laid hands on her, I’ll never stoop so low again
I guess I don’t know my own strength

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you’re with ‘em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit ‘em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills you used to get ‘em
Now you’re getting fucking sick of looking at ‘em
You swore you’d never hit ‘em; never do nothing to hurt ‘em
Now you’re in each other’s face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other’s hair, scratch, claw, hit ‘em
Throw ‘em down, pin ‘em
So lost in the moments when you’re in them
It’s the rage that took over it controls you both
So they say you’re best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don’t know you ‘cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it’s a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don’t get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that’s why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn’t mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper’s just as bad as mine is
You’re the same as me
But when it comes to love you’re just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn’t you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems
Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I’m pissed, I’ll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won’t be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I’m tired of the games I just want her back
I know I’m a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im’a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I’m just gonna

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

- Hayley M

A PEAK INTO OUR PLAYLIST: Dating Violence
I took a drive today
Time to emancipate
I guess it was the beatings made me wise
But I’m not about to give thanks or apologize
I couldn’t breathe holdin’ me down
Hand on my face kissin’ the ground
Enmity gauged united by fear
'Posed to endure what I could not forgive…

I seem to look away
Wounds in the mirror waved
It wasn’t my surface most defiled
Head at your feet fool to your crown
Fist on my plate, swallowed it down
Enmity gauged, united by fear
Tried to endure what I could not forgive

Saw things
Clearer
Once you, were in my rearview mirror…

I gather speed from you fucking with me
Once and for all I’m far away
I hardly believe, finally the shades…are raised…hey…

Saw things so much clearer
Once you, once you…
Rearview mirror

Saw things so much clearer
Once you..

-Veronica R

americanpinup:

This isn’t really pin-up related to be quite honest. But having been a victim of dating abuse for a period of time in my life I feel compelled to share this young woman’s story. I don’t know her personally but my best friend and Mrs Lopera were childhood friends and my heart goes out to her and her entire family…

This monster killed a husband, father, son, brother, son-in-law, coworker and friend of many… There is no reason he should still be walking the streets. Share this video and help this family and their Superman finally get the justice they deserve!

Are you in an abusive relationship and don’t know what to do or where to turn? Here are some resources where you can get help:

www.loveisrespect.org

15 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
 

If your mate is displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you may have a potential batterer on your hands.

1. Apush for a quick involvement: Comes on very strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An Abuser pressures the woman for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. Jealousy: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly: prevents you from going to work because ‘you might meet someone;” checks the mileage on your car.

3. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to, and where you were; keeps all the money.

4. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect woman and meet his every need.

5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.”

6. Blames others for problems and mistakes: The boss, it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.

7. Makes everyone else responsible for his feelings: The abuser says, “You make me angry instead of, “I am angry’ or, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.” Less obvious is the claim “You make me happy.”

8. Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming that his feelings are hurt when he is really mad. He’ll rant about the injustice of things that are just part of life.

9. Cruelty to animals and to children: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry.

10. “Playful” use of force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; says he &is the idea of rape exciting.

11. Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.

12. Rigid sex roles: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home

13. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a trotter of minutes or even more confusing, within seconds.

14. Past battering: Admits hitting women in the past, but says they made him do it or the situation brought in on.

15. Threats of violence: Makes statements like, “I’ll break your neck,” or “I’ll kill you” and then dismisses them with, “Everybody talks that way,” or “I didn’t really mean it.” If he has come this far, it is time to get help and get out!

Adapted from “Signs to Look for in a Battering Personality”, from the Project for Victims of Family Violence. Fayetteville. Ark.

Dating Violence Common by 7th Grade: Survey

l-dougie-l:

Excerpt from article:

Sixty-three percent

Agreed with what the pollsters considered a “harmful stereotype” about gender, such as

‘Girls are always trying to get boys to do what they want’

or

‘With boyfriends and girlfriends, boys should be smarter than girls.’

Waitin’, watchin’ the clock, it’s four o’clock, it’s got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over…
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over

She lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a better man…
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can’t find a better man…
Can’t find a better man

Talkin’ to herself, there’s no one else who needs to know…
She tells herself, oh…
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along…
Swears she knew it, now she swears he’s gone

She lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a better man…
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can’t find a better man…
She lies and says she still loves him, can’t find a better man…
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can’t find a better man…
Can’t find a better man

She loved him, yeah… she don’t want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah… that’s why she’ll be back again

Can’t find a better man




Circle of 6 iPhone App Launches Today!

ka-tagory9:

Dating violence and sexual assault are widesread problems among young women, with nearly 1 in 5 reporting assault while in college. With only two taps, Circle of 6 connects users threatened with possible sexual assault and abuse to a network of trusted friends, using GPS technology, anti-violence resources, and a commitment to support each other. “I won’t let violence happen in my circle.”